So you want a Blog?

So you want to be a blogger? I can help you. No, seriously.

I have noticed that blogging is a cool thing among people like me who suck at sports, at basic social skills and at pretty much everything they do, with a few not-so-noteworthy exceptions that don't require much detailing.

However, being an active member of the blogsphere has literally transformed my world. Now, there's a few people who subscribe to my blog and livejournal RSS feeds on google reader and bloglines (thanks to you, you know who you are. I only wish you guys weren't in jail), and some people who identify me because of my online footprints.

Those that DO identify me through my online footprints are individuals who have way too much time on their hands, are thus able to zero in on another kindred spirit.

While in conversation (and by conversation, I mean gtalk, for I don't talk with said person even though we sit barely a few tens of metres away in our office space) with a friend of mine from the office, I stumbled upon a brilliant idea, that might provide me with a self-fulfilling and unparalleled raison d'être.

Curious to know more? Read on. This post, for a change, concerns YOU more than it would concern me.

I know I am not a stud blogger, on the lines of Sidin Vadukut, Madman Aadisht, Skimpy and the likes. Not being a celeb blogger is something I can live with, and it causes me no trepidation. On the contrary, with what I am about to propose being in mind, this would work to my advantage.

You, dear Blog reader, might be someone who is all that I am not - cool, smart, funny with social skills that exceed expectations, non-skinny and with lots of money, but the one element that will make you completely and undeniably supercool and will catapult your levels of 'coolness' to vertiginous stratospheric heights might be absent.

Yes, you might not have a blog or a livejournal. Though the absence of an online space does showcase your lack of social ineptitude (double negative - 'tis a compliment), it would still be necessary under some circumstances for you to be able to hit on that cute chick who likes books so much that she's in love with Holden Caulfield or Dean Moriarty, and would think no end of you if you were to have a blog peppered with profound esoteric witticisms.

You'd rock even further if you had a dot com to your name, but that might also make you übergeeky, and might just scare away those that would like a dash of the nerdy, but within limits.

The same would be applicable to women as well, but rather than give out a blog URL, or any other associated links to your online spaces, all women would have to do would be to bat their eyelids and smile charmingly and the guy would fall hook, line and sinker, more often than not.

The other advantages of having a blog would be to add an extra bullet point to your resume, so as to project you as being someone who has strong opinions about issues and wants to put it out there for people to know, so as to engage them in active and socially useful productive work type discussions. More often than not, it might just be a load of crap (like what you're reading right now), but unless the interviewer actually checks out the blog, you're in the clear.

My role, a not-so-insignificant one, comes to the fore when you realize that you'd like to take the plunge towards getting that much needed online space. I could help you there by blogging on your behalf, and making you sound interesting, funny and cool online, for I will be writing on your behalf. Just think of me as the Mystique of the blogsphere.

Being a non-celeb blogger, I can still retain my anonymity, and you will not be embarassed about someone else making you look cool. You'd be the Backstreet Boys / Pussycat Dolls of the blog world! They don't write their own songs, or make their own dance moves, book their own tickets or clear the table after eating food, but you still see how cool they are, right?

All that I want in the bargain is cold, hard cash. I want to invest money in certain preoccupations of mine, including buying server space for my website, getting a new bass guitar, saving up to buy a Bose home theatre system, getting a house to house the Bose home theatre system in and so on and so forth.

I might even write a paper once I am in this business, about how I started the new trend of blogoutsourcing, and you name would be featured in papers presented in some really top flight academic institutions, and your names shall reverberate through time and space as you join me in this new revolution that will change the way you see the world, and the way it sees you in return. Its mostly the latter, but we'll look into it when we get there.

We can discuss terms and conditions later, and loyalty programs, discount offers and such shall be employed to make this investment worth your while, while also giving you a super blog in return.

Leave me a comment, and let us take this forward. Remember, if you want to play a good game, you need me in it!

PS - As a special offer, if you sign up, I am going to increase your AQ by a few points. This is the first of many rewards for joining this noble venture.