Dorky Guffaw in the Press Pit
Dorky Guffaw is a Rock Journalist. Of course, he is a Journalist as well as a Rock, but calling him the former will swell his gigantic head up in proportion just like a red giant is formed out of a dying star, and calling him the latter will just make him go off on one of his customary random tangents about Simon and Garfunkel songs, of which he has only heard the 'Greatest Hits' collection.
Now being the Bangalore Correspondent for one of the country's most famous music magazines does have its plus points, the main one being the fact that flashing a press card can do wonders in situations where the Common Man has to pay cash to gain access into. Dorky has heard that it can even work with traffic cops and the like, but he hasn't yet ventured out to make use of that opportunity and prays that he never will have to be in a sticky situation which will warrant that.
One such situation where Dorky used the power of the fourth estate to the max was when he had to go for the Scorpions concert that was held on Sunday 16th December 2007 at the Palace Grounds in Bangalore.
At the outset, print / television media is allowed two representatives into a concert of this type unless they are exclusive media partners, in which case they can even walk on stage when the artists are performing, lift up drum kit equipment to look for missing plectrums and nobody would have the authority to question them.
Dorky's magazine wasn't a media partner for this event, and as a consequence, he had to endure janta journalist treatment, which translated into a free entry into the expensive section with no access backstage or no opportunity to meet the Scorpions. Nevertheless, he was glad for the opportunity to write about the gig, while also exhibiting some class A level Kiasu, something he has been an expert at practising for quite some time now.
That trait incidentally is something that exists in the memetic make up of his entire country and as a consequence, he was an adept practitioner of the same.
He was accompanied by a friend who also wanted to put Kiasu level entry into the concert, and as a result had even brought a 7 MP digicam to masquerade as the photographer. However, Dorky had decided in a fit of selfishness that it would be he who would go into the Press Pit (which is the space between the crowd and the playing area), while his friend had to make himself happy with a bitti (free) entry.
Entering the concert venue with his friend (who had been nice enough to bring a car), Dorky proceeded to flash the press card around gleefully, almost as if he were a proud member of the FBI who had come to a crime scene investigation and was required to be given all access. His friend was amazed at the power of the press as Dorky managed to get his friend a parking place in the backstage space, reserved for VIPs and for the guests who had paid 7.5K to sit in the lounge.
Striding purposefully towards the media desk, much to the envy of the huge line of people standing both in line to get tickets as well as in line to get entry into the venue, Dorky managed to get two tags which said "MEDIA", though he'd have preferred something that said "AAA" (Access All Areas).
After bumping into an entire motley crew of people that formed present and former friends and acquaintances, some of them rabid Nazi-loving ganja-smoking acid-popping fans, some rabid Nazi-loving ganja smoking acid popping non-fans, some non-rabid Nazi-loving ganja-smoking acid-popping fans and some others that subscribed subsets of the above traits and exchanging notes on life, the universe and everything within as much time as it took to shake hands and mumble perfunctory greetings, he then proceeded to cut the queue as the plebians watched with envy. Dorky and his friend even escaped the frisking that one is subject to while entering a concert venue!
Dorky was on the lookout for some people he wanted to avoid, and he was thankful that he managed to do so without much effort on his part. It seems as though the other concerned party shared his sentiments and probably did as much if not more to avoid bumping into him, and this non-meeting was, presumably for the greater good of mankind in general and for Dorky in particular.
Once the concert began with the usual irritating ads, Dorky went into the press pit, armed with his friend's friend's 7 MP digicam which was tiny in comparison to the hugeass SLRs that the other professional photographers were carrying. However the thrill of being in the pit for the first ever time in his life mitigated the other feelings he felt, of being out of place among all stud photographers with a 7 MP digicam.
The previous concerts he had attended, he had come real close to the press pit, but never enough to actually be there. In 2001, the Bryan Adams concert saw Dorky splattered against the railing, with the surging crowds crushing his guts against the metal barricade. However, he was one of the sixty-odd people at the concert who had the distinction of having Bryan Adams spit on them as he sang 'Back thooo You'. That date was more memorable for other reasons, which would be a worthy digression, but would merit being in its own post altogether, should the author feel the need to, in the distant future.
Continuing our efforts to charter Dorky's concert experiences, he then saw Shankar Dayal Sharma give a speech in some medical college inaugural function, saw Roger Waters in the flesh, saw Deep Purple, Iron Maiden, Aerosmith and enough Indian bands in miscellaneous shows to ensure monthly visits to the ENT specialist. The fact that he loves his ipod didn't make life easier for him either.
The Scorpions came the first time around to Bangalore during the Accoustica 2001 tour of theirs, as Dorky was pretending to study for his engineering exams while actually trying out all the clothes he had amassed in his wardrobe in sequence, and being the pedantic parsimonious person that he was back then, the exam overruled attending the concert. Dorky was thinking of how he had been given an opportunity to redeem himself as he stepped into the press pit, after being ushered in by the cop who gazed respectfully at his 'MEDIA' badge.
The press pit was cooler than he thought, and as he walked all across from one end of the pit to the other and back, the crowd was gazing at him in different shades of green. He managed to see the various setup sections for each of the band members, and saw how the tech guys for each member were laying their guitars in sequence.
For a substantial time, Dorky engaged in the fine art of schadenfreude, as he went about stretching his arms and yawning in the press pit while the poor sods were cramped around the front side, gasping for breath while being in a catch 22 situation. Set yourself free for arm space and lose the coveted position or stay there and be cramped like brown people attending a rock concert in Bangalore. Quite dicey if you ask me, and as someone mentioned to him later, Dorky was being an über "schadist".
As Nietzsche once said, "humour is just schadenfreude with a clear conscience", and Dorky went about doing with gay abandon what he had seen others do unto him and other multitudes of people that had attended concerts for times immemorial, knowing fully well that this was not part of a vicious Karmic circle, but was more like ragging in college where the baton was passed on to the next set of unfortunates, instead of being thrown back to the persons who committed the peccadilo(s) in the first place.
The opening act finished, two arbit VJs from some arbit channel walked and said something that reeked of ersatz, practised wit and then finally, with a resounding noise, the Scorpions descended on the spartan stage and began their performance for the evening.
Dorky thought to himself that there are pros and cons of being in every location, and in the press pit, even though he could see the Scorpions perform much closer-up than anyone else could afford to, the compromise was made on the sound quality which mattered more to him.
Members of the press were summarily ejected by the same PRs who were nice to them just a couple of hours ago, and Dorky left, with tears of joy streaming down his eyes (exaggeration included only for effect) at his accomplishments of having been in the pit. He rejoined the crowd and had a gala time, saying "Courteney Cox" when the crowd was screaming "We want more" as part of the encore act.
For the full fledged review on the show from a strictly musical perspective, please pick up a copy of the magazine that Dorky writes for. I guarantee you that you will not be disappointed.
Now being the Bangalore Correspondent for one of the country's most famous music magazines does have its plus points, the main one being the fact that flashing a press card can do wonders in situations where the Common Man has to pay cash to gain access into. Dorky has heard that it can even work with traffic cops and the like, but he hasn't yet ventured out to make use of that opportunity and prays that he never will have to be in a sticky situation which will warrant that.
One such situation where Dorky used the power of the fourth estate to the max was when he had to go for the Scorpions concert that was held on Sunday 16th December 2007 at the Palace Grounds in Bangalore.
At the outset, print / television media is allowed two representatives into a concert of this type unless they are exclusive media partners, in which case they can even walk on stage when the artists are performing, lift up drum kit equipment to look for missing plectrums and nobody would have the authority to question them.
Dorky's magazine wasn't a media partner for this event, and as a consequence, he had to endure janta journalist treatment, which translated into a free entry into the expensive section with no access backstage or no opportunity to meet the Scorpions. Nevertheless, he was glad for the opportunity to write about the gig, while also exhibiting some class A level Kiasu, something he has been an expert at practising for quite some time now.
That trait incidentally is something that exists in the memetic make up of his entire country and as a consequence, he was an adept practitioner of the same.
He was accompanied by a friend who also wanted to put Kiasu level entry into the concert, and as a result had even brought a 7 MP digicam to masquerade as the photographer. However, Dorky had decided in a fit of selfishness that it would be he who would go into the Press Pit (which is the space between the crowd and the playing area), while his friend had to make himself happy with a bitti (free) entry.
Entering the concert venue with his friend (who had been nice enough to bring a car), Dorky proceeded to flash the press card around gleefully, almost as if he were a proud member of the FBI who had come to a crime scene investigation and was required to be given all access. His friend was amazed at the power of the press as Dorky managed to get his friend a parking place in the backstage space, reserved for VIPs and for the guests who had paid 7.5K to sit in the lounge.
Striding purposefully towards the media desk, much to the envy of the huge line of people standing both in line to get tickets as well as in line to get entry into the venue, Dorky managed to get two tags which said "MEDIA", though he'd have preferred something that said "AAA" (Access All Areas).
After bumping into an entire motley crew of people that formed present and former friends and acquaintances, some of them rabid Nazi-loving ganja-smoking acid-popping fans, some rabid Nazi-loving ganja smoking acid popping non-fans, some non-rabid Nazi-loving ganja-smoking acid-popping fans and some others that subscribed subsets of the above traits and exchanging notes on life, the universe and everything within as much time as it took to shake hands and mumble perfunctory greetings, he then proceeded to cut the queue as the plebians watched with envy. Dorky and his friend even escaped the frisking that one is subject to while entering a concert venue!
Dorky was on the lookout for some people he wanted to avoid, and he was thankful that he managed to do so without much effort on his part. It seems as though the other concerned party shared his sentiments and probably did as much if not more to avoid bumping into him, and this non-meeting was, presumably for the greater good of mankind in general and for Dorky in particular.
Once the concert began with the usual irritating ads, Dorky went into the press pit, armed with his friend's friend's 7 MP digicam which was tiny in comparison to the hugeass SLRs that the other professional photographers were carrying. However the thrill of being in the pit for the first ever time in his life mitigated the other feelings he felt, of being out of place among all stud photographers with a 7 MP digicam.
The previous concerts he had attended, he had come real close to the press pit, but never enough to actually be there. In 2001, the Bryan Adams concert saw Dorky splattered against the railing, with the surging crowds crushing his guts against the metal barricade. However, he was one of the sixty-odd people at the concert who had the distinction of having Bryan Adams spit on them as he sang 'Back thooo You'. That date was more memorable for other reasons, which would be a worthy digression, but would merit being in its own post altogether, should the author feel the need to, in the distant future.
Continuing our efforts to charter Dorky's concert experiences, he then saw Shankar Dayal Sharma give a speech in some medical college inaugural function, saw Roger Waters in the flesh, saw Deep Purple, Iron Maiden, Aerosmith and enough Indian bands in miscellaneous shows to ensure monthly visits to the ENT specialist. The fact that he loves his ipod didn't make life easier for him either.
The Scorpions came the first time around to Bangalore during the Accoustica 2001 tour of theirs, as Dorky was pretending to study for his engineering exams while actually trying out all the clothes he had amassed in his wardrobe in sequence, and being the pedantic parsimonious person that he was back then, the exam overruled attending the concert. Dorky was thinking of how he had been given an opportunity to redeem himself as he stepped into the press pit, after being ushered in by the cop who gazed respectfully at his 'MEDIA' badge.
The press pit was cooler than he thought, and as he walked all across from one end of the pit to the other and back, the crowd was gazing at him in different shades of green. He managed to see the various setup sections for each of the band members, and saw how the tech guys for each member were laying their guitars in sequence.
For a substantial time, Dorky engaged in the fine art of schadenfreude, as he went about stretching his arms and yawning in the press pit while the poor sods were cramped around the front side, gasping for breath while being in a catch 22 situation. Set yourself free for arm space and lose the coveted position or stay there and be cramped like brown people attending a rock concert in Bangalore. Quite dicey if you ask me, and as someone mentioned to him later, Dorky was being an über "schadist".
As Nietzsche once said, "humour is just schadenfreude with a clear conscience", and Dorky went about doing with gay abandon what he had seen others do unto him and other multitudes of people that had attended concerts for times immemorial, knowing fully well that this was not part of a vicious Karmic circle, but was more like ragging in college where the baton was passed on to the next set of unfortunates, instead of being thrown back to the persons who committed the peccadilo(s) in the first place.
The opening act finished, two arbit VJs from some arbit channel walked and said something that reeked of ersatz, practised wit and then finally, with a resounding noise, the Scorpions descended on the spartan stage and began their performance for the evening.
Dorky thought to himself that there are pros and cons of being in every location, and in the press pit, even though he could see the Scorpions perform much closer-up than anyone else could afford to, the compromise was made on the sound quality which mattered more to him.
Members of the press were summarily ejected by the same PRs who were nice to them just a couple of hours ago, and Dorky left, with tears of joy streaming down his eyes (exaggeration included only for effect) at his accomplishments of having been in the pit. He rejoined the crowd and had a gala time, saying "Courteney Cox" when the crowd was screaming "We want more" as part of the encore act.
For the full fledged review on the show from a strictly musical perspective, please pick up a copy of the magazine that Dorky writes for. I guarantee you that you will not be disappointed.
posted by Hari Shenoy @ 10:59 PM
2 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
For "wonders in situations where the Common Man has to pay cash", I award you "Best dedication to me by Hari in a blog for the year 2007".
Let the fact that this is actually only the first time ever you have made such a reference not dissuade you from repeating the feat!
And respect. Strong article.
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