New Blade Has Come
Personal grooming and the owner of this blog are generally mutually exclusive, because grooming is something people undertake to impress members of the opposite sex, and I have decided to take up the life of a hedonistic ascetic (latest in the list of my corny oxymorons) or rather, take a brief hiatus from the entire grooming ritual for its actual purpose until I deem it fit for its next resurrection, whenever it may happen.
However, the need to prevent my face from itching on a constant basis due to an abundance of facial hair prompts me to shave at regular intervals. Every single time I shave and nick myself (which pretty much happens everytime I shave, incidentally), I am reminded of an incident that took place in class 12, that shall forever be stuck in my mind forever.
In class 12, yours truly was sitting along with 34 other droopy-eyed students in class on a lazy wednesday afternoon and pretending to listen intently to our biology teacher talk to us about the facts of life and the male and female reproductive systems. She was a brilliant teacher, because she managed to ensure effective information dissipation onto us students, but at the same time, the manner in which she actually drew the pleasure centers and the organs that us horny class 12 kids wanted to see actually put most of us off the urge or inclination to you-might-just-know-what.
One of the topics she was covering was the female reproductive system, and she was telling us about menstruation and the monthly cycle of women, when two of my classmates, who were generally inattentive about the whole thing and were sharing their own private (dirty) joke giggled softly.
The teacher looked up and caught them red-handed (and red-faced for having laughed so much) and assumed that these guys were laughing because of something that was being taught in class. Since women are presumably very touchy about such issues, our biology teacher then said something that will remain etched in my memory all my life.
"You men, you're laughing at our plight. Just wait for a couple more years until you start shaving, and lets see who has the last laugh. Our troubles last only for a few days a month, and will stop at menopause, but you will have to shave all the time, till you die." (ha ha haa ha ha haa ha ha - this bit of evil laughter that echoed from within her was something I imagined, and hence can't be attributed as being part of the quote.)
What my teacher forgot to take into consideration was women that had to shave as well, and do hajjar waxing and stuff, but that is beyond the scope of expertise of the poor blog author who is flying solo.
In any case, I am very averse to shaving, and do it as a last resort whenever good appearance (another oxymoron in my case) is a matter of life and death, or if I have a function to go to, or if my Mum nags me about looking like a hobo that people would give coins to so that I could get my next fix, and my teacher's words ring in my mind making me think of alternatives to this problem.
Some suggestions that are out there include undertaking laser treatment for permanent hair removal, but then it eliminates the stubbly look that might hold me in good stead with a certain percentage of the target population.
There is also this talk in the R&D labs of a famous razor blade putting company about coming up with a shaving razor that can have as many blades on it in a progressively modular fashion. The guy who came up with this concept was watching his son play lego, while he nicked himself for shaving his face repeatedly (with a mach 3, no less), and his previous experience in object-oriented programming within the Indian software industry, where everything is done in copy+paste mode prompted him to come up with this revolutionary concept.
The new and revolutionary razor uses the concept of modularity, based on which the end user can actually insert upto a max of 20 blades and shave with them all - at the same time. This means that people that want to commit suicide needn't go to the extent of buying rat poision or hanging themselves. All they need to do is to do 1/20th the work that is necessary towards either slitting their wrists or throats, and they can conveniently achieve their objectives.
The ability of a person to 'put blade' will increase in direct proportion to the number of blades used for shaving, or so the company claims. A certain 'God's Own Boy', who is one of my best pals, will benefit immensely from this product.
With reality TV being such a way of life for us now, this company also plans to have a cable telecast of case studies whose lives have transformed after 'putting new blade', and their as-yet unnamed show will use the Big Boss / Big Brother idea of trying to resurrect the failing careers of the superstars that have now been relegated into oblivion. This show will also have a ladies' special, to coincide with International Wooomance Day on 8th march, apparently. Some lucky hirsute lady celebrity will have her life transformed, so that she can meet Prince Charming and live happily ever after with him.
Here's to good grooming, and to putting new blade.
(Maybe I'd have written this better after worshipping the Hemp Gods, but I'll never know.)
However, the need to prevent my face from itching on a constant basis due to an abundance of facial hair prompts me to shave at regular intervals. Every single time I shave and nick myself (which pretty much happens everytime I shave, incidentally), I am reminded of an incident that took place in class 12, that shall forever be stuck in my mind forever.
In class 12, yours truly was sitting along with 34 other droopy-eyed students in class on a lazy wednesday afternoon and pretending to listen intently to our biology teacher talk to us about the facts of life and the male and female reproductive systems. She was a brilliant teacher, because she managed to ensure effective information dissipation onto us students, but at the same time, the manner in which she actually drew the pleasure centers and the organs that us horny class 12 kids wanted to see actually put most of us off the urge or inclination to you-might-just-know-what.
One of the topics she was covering was the female reproductive system, and she was telling us about menstruation and the monthly cycle of women, when two of my classmates, who were generally inattentive about the whole thing and were sharing their own private (dirty) joke giggled softly.
The teacher looked up and caught them red-handed (and red-faced for having laughed so much) and assumed that these guys were laughing because of something that was being taught in class. Since women are presumably very touchy about such issues, our biology teacher then said something that will remain etched in my memory all my life.
"You men, you're laughing at our plight. Just wait for a couple more years until you start shaving, and lets see who has the last laugh. Our troubles last only for a few days a month, and will stop at menopause, but you will have to shave all the time, till you die." (ha ha haa ha ha haa ha ha - this bit of evil laughter that echoed from within her was something I imagined, and hence can't be attributed as being part of the quote.)
What my teacher forgot to take into consideration was women that had to shave as well, and do hajjar waxing and stuff, but that is beyond the scope of expertise of the poor blog author who is flying solo.
In any case, I am very averse to shaving, and do it as a last resort whenever good appearance (another oxymoron in my case) is a matter of life and death, or if I have a function to go to, or if my Mum nags me about looking like a hobo that people would give coins to so that I could get my next fix, and my teacher's words ring in my mind making me think of alternatives to this problem.
Some suggestions that are out there include undertaking laser treatment for permanent hair removal, but then it eliminates the stubbly look that might hold me in good stead with a certain percentage of the target population.
There is also this talk in the R&D labs of a famous razor blade putting company about coming up with a shaving razor that can have as many blades on it in a progressively modular fashion. The guy who came up with this concept was watching his son play lego, while he nicked himself for shaving his face repeatedly (with a mach 3, no less), and his previous experience in object-oriented programming within the Indian software industry, where everything is done in copy+paste mode prompted him to come up with this revolutionary concept.
The new and revolutionary razor uses the concept of modularity, based on which the end user can actually insert upto a max of 20 blades and shave with them all - at the same time. This means that people that want to commit suicide needn't go to the extent of buying rat poision or hanging themselves. All they need to do is to do 1/20th the work that is necessary towards either slitting their wrists or throats, and they can conveniently achieve their objectives.
The ability of a person to 'put blade' will increase in direct proportion to the number of blades used for shaving, or so the company claims. A certain 'God's Own Boy', who is one of my best pals, will benefit immensely from this product.
With reality TV being such a way of life for us now, this company also plans to have a cable telecast of case studies whose lives have transformed after 'putting new blade', and their as-yet unnamed show will use the Big Boss / Big Brother idea of trying to resurrect the failing careers of the superstars that have now been relegated into oblivion. This show will also have a ladies' special, to coincide with International Wooomance Day on 8th march, apparently. Some lucky hirsute lady celebrity will have her life transformed, so that she can meet Prince Charming and live happily ever after with him.
Here's to good grooming, and to putting new blade.
(Maybe I'd have written this better after worshipping the Hemp Gods, but I'll never know.)
posted by Hari Shenoy @ 1:33 AM
4 Comments:
The idea of putting blade to a person or killing him reminds me ...Hodi maga hodi maga bida beda ava nanna..... Good one Shenoy mam.. was slowly building up tempo on the giggling front abt the class 12 story till i could no longer suppress full fledged laughter
@ Anonymous - if you're not putting abuse, reveal yourself :). And many thanks for liking it. I am liking it.
mostly boring this post. reality tv n oxymoron are getting too cliched. n' good appearance is not an oxymoron by any stretch of imagination. you need the hemp gods next time.
@ Aslan - honest feedback appreciated, but
DUDE!! You talk to me ALL the time.
I am sure I'd have put fundaes about this stuff to you anyway. The good appearance thing, thanks, but you know my need to be self-depricatory is sometimes overwhelming.
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