I Have Read That Somewhere

The title of this post is with reference to a book that has been written by a certain Aswath Venkataraman, who, according to wikipedia is "the author of the book I Have Read That Somewhere. A Tamil Brahmin hailing from Ranchi, Jharkhand, Aswath has lived in Bangalore in the recent past, having done his graduation at RVCE and MBA at IIM Bangalore."

Popularly known as Kodhi, a nickname he bestowed upon himself as a dedication to the leper community, (much to the chagrin of his granny and quite a few of his other relatives), our man is quite the dude who deserves all the good fortune he has had, and then some.

When I started writing this blog of mine (which now has four loyal readers in all), I had assured him that I would someday write a book review for his masterpiece and hence this post. The book review is not being written out of courtesy, or because he is the only person that I know who is a published author, or because the book has me as a character in it.

Well, maybe the last part isn't entirely untrue.

Nevertheless, the book is available either in leading bookstores (failing which they will get you a copy if it is out of stock because of its huge sales volumes if you would only be kind enough to order a copy) OR it can be purchased online here - I have read that Somewhere.

This book had been written by Kodes for his muse, something which will be very evident for all those that buy their copies and read it. It is a semi-autobiographical account of his life, along with that of the lives of some of the other people that he had come in touch with during his college days, and it is very esoteric in nature.

In reading I have Read That Somewhere, a very discerning reader will get the feeling that Douglas Adams meets PG Wodehouse meets Joseph Heller meets Shashi Tharoor to collaborate and conspire in writing the book.

Reading the book and understanding the various esoteric fundae embedded within each line of the book will have different effects on people of different sexes. The women will be gravitated towards the author, for his brilliant prose, wanting autographs just like some women wanted that of Shane Warne's (as captured by the paparazzi), while the men will become much cooler on getting to read the book and can try and woo all the women that don't want Kodhi's autographs or are not interested in him. The number of women that would fall under this particular category would be extremely small, smaller, in fact, than the number of regular readers of this blog.

The book also has a lot of hidden quizzing fundae that will appear in each of Kodhi's quizzes that he shall conduct for the next five years of his life, or until the next book that he is currently working on comes out, whichever is first and hence will help you get a lot of money if only you are willing to invest a paltry sum of INR 250 towards this worthy cause.

Surely, dear reader, you wouldn't want to shirk away from a chance to catapult yourself into the league of elite quizzers in Bangalore, getting a lot of cash and goodies as prizes in the bargain, just because you are unwilling to part with that measly sum of 250 bucks?

If you had clicked on the hyperlink that gave you information regarding the online availability of that book, you would have had a sneak peek at some of the names of characters in the book, namely OWS (One Who Should/Shouldn't Be) Smelt, Johnny Smith, Fat Bastard, MalDog, MalDini, Electric Chair, Toad, Sperm, Vanity Fair, Damien Tears and so on and so forth. For all those of us that have had a penchant for giving nicknames to everyone that we come across in college, this book is a must read, for the simple reason that it either will make you nostalgic or will give you fresher ideas to use for giving out nicknames.

Incidentally, there is only one character whose name in the book is the same as his name in real life. That would be yours truly. I know not why the author did it, but I am touched.

The book begins with the first day of college that Smelt, Maldini, Johnny Smith and the others attended - St.Brutus' Secure Center for the Criminally Insane and the Insanely Criminal (SBCCIIC) and follows the life and times of the characters till the very end.

The leading lady, Monica Maldini, who gets enough footage in real life, has a granmmaw who is more skilled than the librarian at the Smithsonian in being able to recall and instill advice to her son Cesare, Monica's paw, through quotes from famous books, whose locations on the bookshelf along with the appropriate page number and line numbers is instilled within her, as if she's a supercomputer or something. Douglas Adams' Deep Thought has serious competition.

The author also manages to pacify Animal Rights' activists through his book by including a three-legged dog named Tripod who plays a pivotal role in the story.

Each and every character is based on someone that the author has met in real life, and hence the book is all the more colourful and funny in its dealing with situations, simply because its an accurate representation of actual events with a bit of artistic license thrown in.

The precocious author has also made an HTML version of his book, complete with a cast of famous celebrities that will play the leading characters if the film rights to his book are sold, and this version of the book is available only to a select few.

I personally find no point in extolling the virtues of the book because anything I say will not do justice to the good book that our man has churned out, and very much like what was said about the Matrix, you have to read it for yourself.

Rush to your nearest bookstore and get your copy now! Or contact the author at kodhus.bewarus@gmail.com for more details.

Dear Kodhi, Happy 24th.

Parsimonious person still wants birthday present inspite of all this.